Writing Sex/Steamy Scenes | Not Fade-To-Black
Good morning all you beautiful people,
I never thought much about this topic before, but having read my fair share of icky romance scenes I figured I may have more knowledge than I thought. There is so much that goes into a good steamy/spicy sex scene.
Tips for Writing Steamy/Spicy Sex Scenes:
Use the names: Don’t be afraid to use the names. Genitals have names and it’s okay to use them.
Leave the ick behind, please: Don’t use icky words that can be used to describe something gross like sticky or smelly. Those are ick and bring the ick factor when readers read the scene. You can use neutral words like slippery or wet or hard. These words are fine and neutral and don’t bring the ick.
Stick to one tense: Make sure you are writing in the same tense the whole time otherwise they’re having sex in the present but also in the past. Which just doesn’t make for a good timeline in any work.
Make it plausible: If it doesn’t make sense for your characters to realistically do, then maybe it shouldn’t be written. Don’t make them have sex while upside down or when they’re both tied up or when someone has a dick too large for it to be able to fit, yet the love interest walks away like nothing even happened. It’s not realistic. And it a little bit brings the ick factor.
Consent: This is an important one. You don’t need to have them say “Yes, I consent” or “I agree to sleep with you”. Consent can be sexy and be integrated into the dialogue smoothly like this “I want you so badly” or “Don’t stop, that feels good” or “I want more” or “I need you”. All of which are insanely sexy and the partner will think so too. Just like in real sex.
It can be just sex: There doesn’t have to be romance. It can be just sex. This happens a lot, especially in our society. There doesn’t need to be love for there to be sex unless you’re writing a romance.
Regular sex: Don’t be afraid of not doing something wild or crazy with your characters. Regular sex where they mutually agree, have a great time and both finish is perfectly fine. There doesn’t need to be anything new and crazy. Sometimes less is more and at least it won’t be icky. Sex hasn’t gone out of style yet and we’ve been doing it since we evolved enough to reproduce that way. It’s not going to get old now. So it’s fine to stick to the basics.
Do your research: If you’ve never had sex or watched sex. Or if you don’t know what the parts are called, where they are, how they work. Please DO YOUR RESEARCH! This is important for making a sex scene that isn’t icky! You need to know what you’re talking about and how these parts not only fit together, but how they might look/feel/taste/smell. If you dont’ know you will get it wrong. I’ve seen it so many times. If you’re unsure if you know, a quick 10 minutes of research on google will tell you whether you know what you’re talking about.
That is all I have for you today, but they are some great tips! I hope you find these useful!
Also! The only way any of these can be accepted in a story is if the sex scene is not steamy or romantic. These elements can be used in other genres and are used often in cases of rape or incest or horror or in any number of other ways. But they are written for the sake of not being romantic or steamy or sexy, they are meant to be horrifying. If you’re writing romance, then these are a no-go unless you’re getting into kinky stuff with consensual-non-consent - that is a different story and it would be previously agreed to beforehand.
Thank you so much for showing up! This was a fun post to make and an informative one for myself! These are things I hate to see in the romance genre when people are trying to write something that’s supposed to be sexy. It just ends up making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and makes me grind my teeth while I’m reading. So just, don’t do these unless there’s a very specific reason for doing so and it is relevant.
Have a great day! Happy reading and writing! Until next time.
Celine Rose Marie
