Hey guys,
As you may have guessed by the title I have been struggling the last few days with what we call imposter syndrome. It’s very hard. I was doing so well and it hurts to feel myself fall, to watch it happen. It can strike when you least expect it. Even when you’re doing well, even when you think you’ve got a handle on things, even when you think you’ve moved past this line of thinking. It’s very good at popping up when you’re in a vulnerable place. And so I’m going to talk about that today. You’re not alone if this is happening or has happened to you.
Yes, even writers who have been writing for a long time, for years, or for decades do still feel this way sometimes. They still get down. They still have that little voice in their head telling them they’re an imposter. That calling themselves a writer is wrong because they aren’t enough of a writer to be a writer. Or telling them that they should b doing something more productive with their time rather than just something they enjoy. That they shouldn’t chase their dreams because they’ll never reach them. That they aren’t good enough, that they’ll never be good enough.
Now, the voice in my head exploits my anxiety and makes me worry about all the future possibilities and if I’m just ruining my life chasing this dream or ruining my partner’s life by focusing on the impossible and not enough on them. It tells me that I’ll never match up to the other authors already published. That it doesn’t matter how many story ideas float around my head, that none of them will ever measure up to any other story already being written or already published. It tells me that no one will ever love my book. So I shouldn’t bother trying. It says that I don’t deserve to be a writer because I haven’t worked hard enough for it. Or that I’ve fallen too far behind because other writers my age have already published more than one novel. It breaks me down by saying that I take too long to write books and no reader will wait that long for the next book in the series. But if I write them any faster then they’ll be complete shit and no one will want to read them.
So, this was a lot to battle the last few days. I’ve been seriously reconsidering my entire life and in the last few years, I’ve poured into writing as much as I could. This voice had me second-guessing myself and my dream. And it hurt. I felt numb so that I didn’t feel the pain of losing my dream. So I didn’t do anything. I didn’t write, I didn’t post, I wasn’t up to doing anything. Instead, I got up from my chair, from the temptation of posting or writing and I cleaned my house. I did the dishes and swept the floor. Anything to keep my mind off it. And I blasted music through my head, singing along.
Then I took a long hot bath and began reading a book. I hadn’t originally thought about reading this book, but after the struggle of thinking I shouldn’t be a writer anymore, that I shouldn’t want to be, I figured it might be good for me. It’s called Pep Talk For Writers and I didn't need to read very far to be re-inspired and to want to get back to what I love doing. I only read through the first chapter.
It made me realize that it doesn’t matter how long it takes me, or that I’m only doing it for fun right now. It doesn’t matter my dreams because being creative is human. Being creative is good for us and it helps make us smarter, and more knowledgeable, it makes us stronger. Creative endeavours are worthy of your time. The book told me that every person should make time for being creative every single day. That’s how good creativity is for us. So what I’m doing can’t be wrong. It helped me push that voice out of my head. And made me realize that it wasn’t me talking, but that voice. That I wasn’t in control of what was being said and it wasn’t how I really felt. Imposter syndrome preys on you when you’re in a low place and when you’re questioning yourself. It makes you question all the good in your life, all the creative parts of you and your life. But it’s wrong.
Creativity is good for us and we should be doing it every chance we get. It helps fuel us, our imaginations, it helps us with positive thinking. And it makes us feel worthy of this world. It’s how we understand the world around us. And being creative is our interpretation of the world we live in.
So if you’re feeling this way I hope this inspires you. That voice inside your head telling you you’re not good enough, kick it out because it isn’t you. And if it is you, tell it to shut up and let you talk. Because you’re worthy of creativity, you’re worthy of your imagination and creativity is for all of us. It’s what we’re meant to do. It’s who we are. You’ll be okay. You’ll get through it! I believe in you! And I love you for trying to hard and struggling against that voice. I love you for not giving up.
So keep going and leave that voice behind you. It’ll come up again and it’ll be just as hard next time, but push it away now so you can get back to work. Be creative and be proud to be creative.
Thank you so much for listening. I really needed to get that off my chest and no one understands like fellow creators. You are amazing and strong, you can do this. It means a lot to me that you’re here so thank you. I know I missed posting on Monday, but I’m sure you understand now why that was hard for me. I thought I was going to give up writing. I thought there was no point in continuing to post about nothing. Or about quitting. well, I should go, but thanks for hanging out and for being here for me. Be strong! You can beat this too. Lots of love! Kisses. Happy reading and writing guys. Until next time, bye.
Celine Rose Marie